


Two Conies and a Fight

by lancelot2point0



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23856850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lancelot2point0/pseuds/lancelot2point0
Summary: Aragorn and Legolas disagree on the best method of acquiring dinner ft. the rest of the feloowship.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel & Legolas Greenleaf, Boromir (Son of Denethor II) & The Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo Baggins & Merry Brandybuck & Sam Gamgee & Pippin Took, Frodo Baggins & Sam Gamgee
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	Two Conies and a Fight

"Trap."

"No. Shoot."

Pippin was the first to abandon his pack in favor of gaping at the two who were bickering.

"Why would you want to shoot it?" The man was annoyed and it showed.

Merry turned to ask his cousin what had happened, and was immediately shushed by the younger hobbit.

The man's frown deepened as his companion spoke again.

"Shooting is quicker and does not rely on chance, Ranger," the blonde elf resisted the urge to roll his eyes. It was at times like this that he wondered how the man had survived for so long travelling throughout the vast and wild lands.

Frodo and Sam noticed the lack of movement from Merry and Pippin and looked up to find them staring at the pair standing barely a stone's toss away.

"I am a better hunter than you, that's how."

The elf started, realising he had spoken aloud. "You wish you were Aragorn," he sighed, exasperated, "maybe then you would not have to rely on traps to provide your next meal."

Gandalf seemed un-bothered as he proceeded to rummage in his pockets for his pipe and pipeweed. He had known the Ranger and the Elf for many a year now, and had been treated to such a display before.

Locating the desired items he made himself comfortable,leaning back against a large boulder.

"Ai, Legolas! " Aragorn briefly considered strangling the Prince,"We are going to trap it, and that is final!"

Now the elf did roll his eyes, "I thought I made it clear. We. Are. Not. Trapping. It."

Aragorn glared at his friend for a moment before passionately beginning to list the advantages of using traps rather than a bow and arrow to procure an animal for food.

Boromir and Gimli were greeted with the sight of a very irritated Legolas glancing from the hunting knife in his hand to Aragorn, and back again.

Boromir nearly dropped the wood he had gathered and received a stern glare from Merry and Pippin who were now betting on who would win the argument.

Gimli had turned to find the wizard, and seeing him smoking decided that there was nothing to be concerned about for the time being. So he busied himself with neatly arranging the wood to make the fire.

Sam and Frodo had returned to setting up camp as they had realised that the pair was likely to be there once they had finished their necessary duties.

"Look, Aragorn," Legolas interrupted the ranger, not sure of how much longer he could listen without resorting to murder, "I am sure that traps have their time and place in procuring dinner, but that place is not here and the time is not now."

"I would have you know that traps are timeless aids in the quest for sustenance," Aragorn's eyes were harder than steel.

"I think the word you were looking for is time wasting," the elf smirked as the man sputtered for a moment, taken aback.

Unnoticed by the seasoned hunters two rabbits poked their noses out of the long grass that surrounded the clearing. They flicked their ears and twitched thier noses before making their way back to wherever they had come from.

This little intrusion had been noticed by the Dwarf, who now sat with the wizard enjoying a pipe of his own to add to the enjoyment of the spectacle before them. He looked over to Boromir who was betting on Aragorn winning the argument, much to the disappointment of Sam and Merry who believed that Legolas would win. Shaking his head, mumbling something about 'young folk these days' he rose, carefully knocking the ashes from his pipe into the designated place for the fire. Catching Boromir's attention he motioned for him to follow him, and the two disappeared into the trees.

Bereft of his partner, Pippin decided that he should seek the guidance of the wizard, as Merry went to sort out his share of the duties.

Sam went to sit with Frodo who had been watching them all, an amused smile on his face. His question of who Frodo thought would win was answered with a gentle, neither Sam, and why do you think Legolas would win.

"Elbereth, give me strength!" Legolas pinched the bridge of his nose, "Traps are inefficient, therefore we will not be using them."

"Perhaps you should ask Elbereth for common sense," Aragorn shot back, glad to have an opportunity for revenge after the elf's earlier comment, "and Eärendil too, just for good measure! Then you might see that there is no sense in wasting valuable arrows shooting what can be caught using traps."

Legolas groaned, shooting the man a glare that Thranduil would have been proud to witness.

"I shall take that as consent then," Aragorn grinned, "we shall be trapping dinner tonight."

"Are you perhaps," Legolas laid his hands on the man's shoulders, "Out of your mind?" he shook Aragorn none too gently.

Gimli jumped as he entered the clearing upon hearing the undignified shriek that came from the Prince of Mirkwood as the ranger dug his fingers into the elf's sides. Snickering slightly to himself, the dwarf began to light a fire.

Noticing this Sam perked up and wondered if this meant he should get out the pot and pans. Frodo thought he should as there was Boromir carrying a pair of conies, already prepared for cooking.

Gandalf was relieved at the sight as Pippin, who had started complaining of hunger, quieted down and went to see what he could of the preparation of dinner. He would have liked to help, however Sam had, unfairly he thought, banned him from any food related business unless it was eating following an unfortunate accident involving some very interesting berries. Frodo very kindly reminded him that there was still some setting up to do, and that he best get to it while there was still enough light.

"Does your father know you're this stubborn?"

Legolas scoffed, "Of course he does, where do you think I get it from."

"Valar help me," Aragorn sighed, "The sheer ignorance of this elf might be the end of me."

"If I am ignorant, Edain, then what might your father and brothers be, considering they shoot their prey?"

Gimli thought that both the man and elf were being ridiculous. He kept his thoughts to himself however as he settled once again with his pipe, leaving the cooking of the rabbit to the rather talented hobbits.

Gandalf had fallen asleep where he sat, at least that is what it seemed to Pippin who was wondering if he could ask the wizard to conjure him an apple to at least take the edge off his hunger.

Boromir was keeping watch and sharpening his sword as Merry and Frodo allowed themselves to be ordered around by Sam, who was by far the best cook of the three.

"So you would be perfectly happy to eat something that you killed with an arrow ripped from an orc?" Aragorn let his disdain for the idea seep into every word.

"You ignorant man, of course not," Legolas took a deep breath," Unlike you, we elves have standards. These standards include cleaning all our weapons at least once a day. This would ensure that no rotting flesh, orc or otherwise," he glared intently at the man, "remains on our arrows."

"How am I to be sure that you are not merely creating some story to make me relent?"

"You were raised among elves!" Legolas broke off into a stream of elvish that caused Sam, with a limited understanding of the language to turn a very bright shade of red.

Thankfully the meat was done cooking and he busied himself with dishing out portions, along with some potatoes to seven members of the company.  
They settled around the fire as Arien began dipping below the horizon to give way to Tillion, her eternal love and Eärendil, who would have been rendered speechless to see his descendant, now engaged in restraining himself from pulling the elf into a headlock.

"Did you get that from your father as well?"

When Legolas did not answer Aragorn opened his mouth again only to have the elf put his hand over it. Irate, he shoved the blonde's hand away.

"What do yo-"

"Shhh"

"Don't shhh me Lego-" Aragorn was cut off again by Legolas' hand.

"Can you not smell that?" the elf slowly removed his hand.

"Smell what?" the man looked around for anything that might give off a smell.

They caught sight of the fire first and looked at each other in confusion. Returning their gaze to the fire they realised that the rest of the company were seated around it, watching them with great interest.

Finally Gimli broke the stunned silence. "If you two are done, Sam and Frodo insisted that we save some dinner for you."

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**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer  
> I do not own the Lord of the Rings franchise- movies or books in any way.The characters and setting are from JRR Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings trilogy.This was purely for my enjoyment, and hopefully yours as well. I am not profiting from this work in any way.
> 
> That being said, I hope you enjoyed this piece of crack that I humbly offer.
> 
> \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
> This story was inspired by RangeroftheSouth on Fanfiction.net , who also gave me the name for this story.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @lancelot2point0 https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lancelot2point0


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